Don't let them tell you what to do!
Parents, friends, teachers, doctors, bosses, police, soldiers, politicians, criminals, biological functions, language, space, time... all of these are impositions on your slack and are not to be tolerated! Submit to J. R. "Bob" Dobbs for total freedom.
"O Master," asked the novice, "how may I become wise like thee?"
'Bob' pondered this for a moment, then responded: "Simple, li'l fella... you just eat these Balls of WIsdom™ which I will sell to you for only. . . er, how much have you got?"
The transaction having been completed, the novice eagerly crammed his purchase into his mouth... and retched, and gagged, and vomited.
"But Master," he cried. "These Balls of Wisdom™ are but parrot dung!"
"See?" said 'Bob.' "You're getting wiser already!"
"That's not a UFO. UFOs don't exist."
Well, which is it?
If you're a SubGenius, you can say 'both' and 'neither' and 'also' - you can say any darn thing you want, at any time, and pay the price accordingly! Your every whim and bad habit elevated to sacred doctrine, just because you decided to JOIN...
The Church of the SubGenius
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Once you go Slack, you never go back... unless you want to. But why would you? Masochism, of course, and there's nothing wrong with that if it floops your bloop.
Don't let me tell you what to do. Don't let 'Bob' tell you what to do. Don't even let YOU tell you what to do... just do what gives you satisfaction, and do the HELL out of it.
Or don't. Who am I to say? Maybe you prefer to live in a Pink fog. Maybe you like hitting yourself in the face with the back end of a claw hammer.
What have YOU done this week to contain the diabolical Church of the SubGenius?
STOP "BOB" NOW!
Introductory information: $35
Church of the SubGenius Members-Only MastoDobbs.