What do you have to lose but your sense of false slack and acceptance of your meager lot in life?


Hookt on "Bob" werkt fer me!

In 2013 I sent "Bob" $35.

In three years I went from being a wage slave for $10 an hour ($20,800 annually), owning nothing and living like a monk of some shitty religion to making $26 an hour ($52,000 annually), and in three more years I've got a new job selling the crap I used to get on my knees and install for 20 long years. And they're going to pay me $70,000 to start, not counting sales commissions, bonuses from the factories called spiffs, and much more...

’Spiritual but not religious’ is a phrase you hear some people use, and good for them. I think of myself as RELIGIOUS but not “religious-religious.” That is, the parts I like of anything are happily wed to my views and the parts I don’t like of anything are unspeakable heresy. Ten million short duration personal saviors, or one, or none, based on your whim! That is the promise of J. R. “Bob” Dobbs makes good on when you join The Church of the SubGenius.


Because sometimes you need your daily Slack pep talk to be dark and ambient.

The Wisdom Chicken Party Hotline is now operational at (419) 405-6058. Call now with your party hotline needs! Operators may be standing by!

The most critical part of Conspiracy indoctrination is to instruct you in who they say you are. This is why, from the moment you are born, you're assigned a gender, assigned a race, and given a name by fiat, and then DAILY REMINDED THAT YOU CANNOT CHANGE THESE THINGS! No, Subgenius! You can! The Conspiracy created the Self, and you can have a different one or CAST IT OFF ENTIRELY! Only Subgenius unthink and counterthink techniques are proven to deprogram you. subgenius.com

Consider first that your purpose in life might be the thing that comes naturally to you. For some of you that means self-loathing.

Consider second that any deity or universe that is in need of a skilled self-loather is not worthy of your praise. Maybe the gods exist, and they stink!

Cast out all those pain-eating sky monsters and establish your own fantastic mythos. Not because the old stories are false, but because your stories are better. Better for who? For YOU... and “Bob”.


If The Conspiracy makes a demand of you that does not make sense, remember that “making sense” was not the goal of the demand. The goal was that you would give up. The goal was that you would comply.

The Church of the SubGenius stands as a bulwark of abnormality for those who elect to neither make sense nor comply. Utilize your thirst for vengeance in a grin-based frenzy of indifference to THEM.

Fantastic cult secrets laid bare in daring pamphlet. Instant slack. SubGenius.com

Remember the true reason for the seasion-- the Xmas Anti-Bob trudging through the Himalayan snow on his hideous, nameless errand.

I absolutely love the traditional Xistlessnessmas rerun Hour Of Slack. It's just not Xistlessnessmas without it.

Merry Xistlessnessmas to all Subgenii and persons of pinkness alike!

@Rev_Couchsloth Indifference to the opinion of others, and to circumstance, and attendance only to one's own will (and the necessity of sending $35 to subgenius.com) is the sure guarantee to slack in this world. Other opinions, circumstances, these are externals & never in our control. Our will, our slack, our $35, these are always within our control. Worse than being loved, worse than being hated, the enemy hates our indifference. J. R. "Bob" Dobbs brings a great big silent SHRUG to the world.

Three different cismale Pinks tried to get on my case while standing in line for the men's room at a concert. I'm but not super femme, but it was enough, I guess. Thank "Bob" my Subgenius training has included the art of staring blankly at people until they stop talking at me.

@ReverendGuimo real slack is working and not working with the same attitude. Who gives a fuck! The world ends tomorrow! Praise "Bob".

"Self care" is a Conspiracy tactic of appropriating Sugbenius thought and producing a False Slack that looks sufficiently Rewardian that any wandering Pinks will glom onto it and stop seeking the revolutionary power of their Original Slack.

I'm not lying when I say I consider Nicole Blackman's "Indictment" to be the second most important performance piece in my life right after Michael Peppe's "AD"

"You didn't pay your [$35] for Slack. You already had Slack. You paid [$35] for the pep talk." --Rev. Ivan Stang

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