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Be aware that Gods were made in our image, and represent the worst of us; Especially what we hide from ourselves. They will forever be the enemy of progress and must be overcome in love and understanding... For it is their domain to hate and fear, and they cannot be challenged in their own arena. These constructs, which ultimately are us, can only be defeated through self-love and a desire to give such peace to all. Slack is the key to freedom. Free thyself. :jrbd:

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I am the left nostril of "Bob". I am a "Bob"damned Reverend, and you will show me the respect I paid for! I will marry you to a potted plant, I will excommunicate you from outer Mongolia, or worse, I will curse all your steaks to burn.

I aim to cast out all false profits, and no false slack will be good enough to cover the shame in your faces as you work yourselves to death for my mere amusement!! BEWARE!!!

Now say it with me: I'm mad too "Bob"!

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You overmen learn this from me: In the market place, nobody believes in overmen.

If you want to speak there, very well! But the mob blinks: "We are all equal. There are no overmen, man is man; Before God we are all equal."

Before God!? But now this God has died, and before the mob, we do not want to be equal. You overmen, go away from the market place!

Remember... If you are confused, you are only one step away from enlightenment.

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Should you encounter a SubGenius in the wild... The most important thing to remember is to never break eye contact. They see this as a sign of weakness and can attack even when unprovoked. For your own safety and well-being, send $35 to The SubGenius Foundation so you may receive remote psychosurgery to open your third nostril. The effluvium released from this minor operation will allow you to whiff-pstench out your own kind and no longer will you be in any danger from that moment on. Why wait!?

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Have you felt your whole life that maybe something is terribly wrong with you?

There is... But that doesn't mean you can't be among friends. Everyone wants to feel normal
and welcome. You can be! All functional mutants, Yeti descendant, frop smokers, and all manner of malcontents are welcome at the Church of the Subgenius, as long as your money's green.

Do you know who Goblox is?! I will tell you who Goblox is. In the year 9595, a race of deformed turkey was genetically developed by chicken scientists as revenge against his bird brother. These turkeys would exit the womb doused in gravy; gravy filled with the giblets from a monkey. The French craved it, and, as a result, turkey became the only food source for France, which is now called RoboFrance29. I was later killed by the chickens! So, of course, you can see why I'm angry at those chickens.

A war-like race of elves from the Red Planet landed on the ice-encased Earth, and they were immediately enslaved by the unevolved Santa Ape to make his confused toys using galactic Elfin technology. Toys were made into recognizable shapes and given names like "train", but these toys were also thrown at predators and defecated upon because they were so stupid. Christmas still sucked, in a big way.

THOUSANDS OF YEARS AGO, before the dawn of man as we knew him, there was Sir Santa of Claws, an ape-like creature making crude and pointless toys out of dinobones and his own waste, hurling them at chimp-like creatures with crinkled hands regardless of how they behaved the previous year. These so-called "toys" were buried as witches, and defecated upon, and hurled at predators when wakened by the searing grunts of children. It wasn't a holly jolly Christmas that year. For many were killed.

Next time someone asks you what Mastodon is and what you do, just show them this.

If you ask a coworker “How are you?" and they say “Well, im here”, that loosely translates to: “I need you to push me off the roof. We can make it look like an accident. if i die, im finally free. If i live, we'll sue this place and split the money. Please for the love of god help me."

"ontological chauvinism" is another one of my favorite's from RAW

Speaking of Silicon Embrace here's a few minutes of it at youtube offered as a dramatic reading by yours "Reverend Shirley" truly from the album "Spaceship Landing in a Cemetery" -- background sonics by Jerry King. Said album got a good review in Prog Magazine if you're into that stuff.

@Shitlord @HMLivy @jackiemoon this is what my father did with the Book of Mormón... I just added de Dobbshead :jrbd:

Even Jesus needs some Jack Daniel's

I just got off the flying dutch oven. This time it was me. I. Farted at least 40 times..

Those poor bastards.

Thus it is written: “Render unto the Conspiracy that which is Conspiracy but render unto “Bob” that which is “Bob’s”" (Economicon 56:1).
Thus I proclaim: I give to the Conspiracy all of my trash and give unto “Bob” all of my cash! Praise “Bob”!
Find out why at:
:jrbd: :jrbd: :jrbd:

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Regal Cinemas has those "student film" ads before movies, and every single one I've ever seen is just "young people enjoying popcorn”... But | just saw one which was "woman awakens hot elf in antique store and wishes he would transport her to Regal Cinemas" and I respect it.

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Church of the SubGenius Members-Only MastoDobbs.