I am the left nostril of "Bob". I am a "Bob"damned Reverend, and you will show me the respect I paid for! I will marry you to a potted plant, I will excommunicate you from outer Mongolia, or worse, I will curse all your steaks to burn.
I aim to cast out all false profits, and no false slack will be good enough to cover the shame in your faces as you work yourselves to death for my mere amusement!! BEWARE!!!
Now say it with me: I'm mad too "Bob"!
You overmen learn this from me: In the market place, nobody believes in overmen.
If you want to speak there, very well! But the mob blinks: "We are all equal. There are no overmen, man is man; Before God we are all equal."
Before God!? But now this God has died, and before the mob, we do not want to be equal. You overmen, go away from the market place!
Remember... If you are confused, you are only one step away from enlightenment.
Should you encounter a SubGenius in the wild... The most important thing to remember is to never break eye contact. They see this as a sign of weakness and can attack even when unprovoked. For your own safety and well-being, send $35 to The SubGenius Foundation so you may receive remote psychosurgery to open your third nostril. The effluvium released from this minor operation will allow you to whiff-pstench out your own kind and no longer will you be in any danger from that moment on. Why wait!?
Have you felt your whole life that maybe something is terribly wrong with you?
There is... But that doesn't mean you can't be among friends. Everyone wants to feel normal
and welcome. You can be! All functional mutants, Yeti descendant, frop smokers, and all manner of malcontents are welcome at the Church of the Subgenius, as long as your money's green.
The SubGenius is not "just below a Genius;" he does not pretend to Super-Knowledge, but to SubKnowledge: knowledge of the Under Things -- the Hollow Earth from whose darkness issue the Nazi Hell Creatures and other Dwellers of the Abyss. It is in contemplation of the Under Things, the "underwear" lurking just under the "clothing" of Existence, that the SubGenii display what genius they have.
- from Pamphlet No. 2
We do not talk about Shit club.
Last surviving member of The FisTemple of "Bob" Yetisyn congregation of the Northern Provinces, Dobbstown East.
Church of the SubGenius Members-Only MastoDobbs.