When you feel frustrated about moral panics and the moral entrepreneurs who exploit them, just think back to the Satanic Panic.

Men and women were found guilty of impossible crimes. They went to prison for decades, some died there.

Eventually the people who exploited the Satanic Panic were held accountable and the people who believed it apologized.

HA HA NOT REALLY. We all just stopped talking about it. That's the best you can hope for with today's moral panics.

If you hate Trump, Trump is the distraction that keeps you from seeing the fnords.

If you hate Biden, Biden is the distraction that keeps you from seeing the fnords.

Many other things can distract you from seeing the fnords.

Sending your money to "Bob" does not keep you from seeing the fnords.

The Book of the SubGenius is so full of fnords you might miss them.


The new issue of "The Dobbstown Mirror" is burning a path to your mailbox even today! THANK YOU to our patrons, who know the value of exchanging one dollar a month for four mailings a year of this vital organ of The Church of the SubGenius. Nothing like it! You'll like it or nothing! Our next year of publication - the last before the advent of the real July 5th 1998, mind you - will see only increased square inches of slack due to the kindness of patrons like you.


I see lots of people wondering why the Illuminati doesn't share free energy machines to stop greenhouse gases.

Currently you indirectly heat the world through the build up of gases that were present in the atmosphere in much higher natural concentrations when earth was a paradise.

Do you realize what you'll do with free energy?

With free energy you'll directly heat the world by heating or cooling every place your overly sensitive bodies exist. And the carbon will still be trapped.


I got bored after I quit doing the weekly radio show, so I tried my hand at cartooning!

Never trust a cult that doesn't guarantee salvation or triple your money back!

I urge you to find The SubGenius MP3 Stash Vol 4. It contains a lot of good audio. The best are the two Doktors 4 "Bob" albums: Dick, a Girl and We Could Have Saved Hank. Click the link and look for the CD pictured here. Make haste! Don't delay! The world ends tomorrow and you may die!

You only have a little time left. Are you sure you want to be using it the way you are using it?

This is the woman that was denied 1st place at 2 women’s skateboarding events because men are now allowed to compete. More women are speaking up.


This is a book. I wrote it. It has giant robot battles, alien squid and purple-haired elf girls and Subgenius paranoia.

available from the Church of the Subgenius website:


or, if you have to, Amazon:


I can absolutely and without doubt assure you that you are in fact on the wrong side.

Good Luck!

PS (no, this doesn't have some deeper tortured philosophical meaning, please mentally masturbate to something else)

Went to the MUFON Ohio conference this year.

Heard a UFO/bigfoot research give a presentation.

I think he's on to us, he strongly links yeti sightings to UFO sightings.


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