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Spite, jealousy, and shame are often underestimated as powerful motivational tools.

Someday I will find the Master Pore, and when it is opened, it will release all of the other pores in one glorious instant, releasing a cascade of accumulated debris, never to return. Then I shall be a Perfect Being.

I forgot to add "all of the above," because that was my day yesterday.

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How are we feeling today?

The platitudes and aphorisms you've absorbed over a lifetime may contain terrible advice. Now is a good time to free yourself from them by applying the reverse.

Here's a starter: "What would you do if you knew you could not fail?" becomes "What would you do if you knew you could not succeed?"

A spaceship landed, and an alien emerged.
"Greetings," it said, "um. We apologise for abducting your leader. We did not notice her coming aboard when we were here last week."
A cat emerged from the spaceship and sat down to clean her paws.
"Here she is," the alien said.
#MicroFiction #TootFic #SmallStories

They say the neon lights are bright in DOBBS.TOWN

*David Attenborough hides in a bush, watching me take out my phone and start scrolling the timeline*

“Here we see the extremely rare Mastodon heterosexual. Like many before him, he’s wandered into a harsh environment to which his kind are ill suited, he must adapt quickly, or risk defederation. He’s cautious, he begins to type his first post, a reply to a woman with “men stay away’ in her bio: ‘Has anyone told you how beautiful you are when you smile?’ Oh, dear.”

I think we can clone now . . . there doesn't seem to be anyone around

@insane.brains on Instagram: “"Ever feel alienated?" Artist: Jeff Drew @jeffdrewpictures Via: @pop_surreal …”

4,405 Likes, 25 Comments - @insane.brains on Instagram: “"Ever feel alienated?" Artist: Jeff Drew @jeffdrewpictures Via: @pop_surreal …”

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Church of the SubGenius Members-Only MastoDobbs.