@onan Here's one of his greats:
If everyone is thinking alike, then somebody isn't thinking.
George S. Patton
Puzzlina walked over to the window and reflected on her damp surroundings. The sunny rain teased like trotting donkeys. Then she saw something in the distance, or rather someone. It was the figure of Halvin Robbingfolk. Halvin was an admirable coward monster with curvaceous toes and skinny nostrils.
Puzzlina gulped. She was not prepared for Halvin. As Puzzlina stepped outside and Halvin came closer, she could see the sharp glint in his eye. "I am here because I want a wifi code," Halvin bellowed, in a friendly, if violent tone. He slammed his fist against Puzzlina's chest, with the force of 3381 owls. "I frigging love you, Puzzlina Evidencia."
Puzzlina looked back, even more tranquil and still fingering the massive gold bullion. "Halvin, s'cuse me while I kiss this guy," he/she replied. They looked at each other with quixotic feelings, like two thoughtful, teeny-tiny tortoises flopping at a very smelly Valentine's meal, which had funk-a-billy music playing in the background and two creepy uncles jerking off to the beat.
Puzzlina regarded Halvin's curvaceous toes and skinny nostrils. They held out their hand. "Let's not fight," zhe whispered, gently. "Hmph," pondered Halvin. "Please?" begged Puzzlina with puppy dog eyes. Halvin looked volatile, his body blushing like a pickled, panicky pizza. Then Halvin came inside for a nice drink of Hot Buttered Rum Martini. THE END
The Johnson Family (by Old Bull Burroughs)
"Yes, you get to know a Johnson when you see one. The cop who gave me a joint to smoke in the wagon. The hotel clerk who tipped me off I was hot. And sometimes you don't see the Johnson."
SXSW: An offbeat Texas ‘Church’ gets its close-up
Interview: Sandy K. Boone,
director, Douglass St. Clair Smith,
documentary subject, "J.R. 'Bob' Hobbs and The Church of the SubGenius"
"The most awful tyranny is that of the proximate utopia where the last sins are currently being eliminated and where, tomorrow, there will be no sins because all the sinners have been wiped out."
- Thomas Merton (1915–1968), introduction to Non-Violence in Peace and War by Mohandas Gandhi (Ahmedabad: Navajivan 1948)
Puzzlina Evidencia had always loved sunny Dobbstown with its soft, scrawny sinkholes. It was a place where she felt moody. She was a callous, proud, Hot Buttered Rum Martini drinker with handsome toes and ample nostrils. Her friends saw her as a soft, scrawny saint giant. Once, she had even rescued a frantic tiny tot from a burning building. That's the sort of woman he was.
"When I want my men to remember something important, to really make it stick, I give it to them double dirty. It may not sound nice to some bunch of little old ladies at an afternoon tea party, but it helps my soldiers to remember. You can’t run an army without profanity; and it has to be eloquent profanity. An army without profanity couldn’t fight its way out of a piss-soaked paper bag."
- General George S. Patton, quoted in The Unknown Patton (1983) by Charles M. Province, p. 184.
Church of the SubGenius, Member
Church of the SubGenius Members-Only MastoDobbs.