Uncle Bonsai's song "K-Mart" makes me sad but then I also realize you could just replace "K-Mart" with "Wal*Mart"

todays 60 minutes of unrestricted joy

youtube.com/watch?v=rwtfmpeedp

also listen for the part where mike oldfield tells richard branson to fuck off

I bought $35 worth of Slacksative and I'm feeling downright uncorked!

Aisle 420, Shelf 6, Object C0:DC:A1:E4:9B:F7

An athletic sock. Perfectly ordinary.

It draws your attention, and you find that you can't look away. Well, you probably could, but you don't want to, for the time being.

If you chug 20 oz of Diet Dr Pepper and constrict your throat instead of relax as you belch, it loudly sounds somewhere between a burp and a fart and will cause people to run into the room with alarm.

This and other AMAZING lifehacks are available for the low price of $35, sent to the Church of the SubGenius!

Pascal's Wager for SubGenius is just a single box saying "YES, YOU'RE INSANE...LY CLUED IN! SEND $35 TO THE CHURCH OF THE SUBGENIUS!"

I ask the terrifying questions that everyone is to afraid to ask

Send $35 to the Church of the SubGenius for more age appropriate rantings!

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If you're on the toilet also blowing someone on another toilet (I'm guessing on a pedestal) would that be a semi-double-blumpkin?

rubber baby double blumkins

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If you give head to someone ELSE while on the toilet is it a reverse blumpkin?

If you give head to "Bob" while on the toilet do you get more slack?

Boblumpkins for slack!

You always hear about EXPLOSIVE diarrhea, but what if you get IMPLOSIVE diarrhea?

Asking for a friend.

"bbbbbob" caught me ffffappin it to some pppppporno and stepped up saying AWHERES MINE, SPORT?

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DOBBS.TOWN

Church of the SubGenius Members-Only MastoDobbs.